Sunday, March 4, 2012

Dear Fat Person (meaning myself)

  I am writing to tell you that you have won a million dollars from the "Blog Yourself Thin Club!" 

Yes, you are our grand prize winner of the newest weight loss craze ever to sweep the country!!!!  And with your small donation of $500.00 we can soon become the newest weight loss craze ever to sweep the "WORLD"!!!!  Won't you please help out in our cause. It means a lot to all the fat people that sit around home with no life. Starring into their computer screen at their fat loss blog. In hopes that it will motivate them to stay on task.

These people need our support.  For the very reason that you're probably not aware of, that most of us, are usually sitting there eating a BIG FAT ding dong or a yellow cake donut, dipped in chocolate. The kind of chocolate that snaps when you bite into it. Then as it coats the roof of your mouth, you close your eyes,  you think ah could this moment last forever? You wish you could you do this every night and never gain one, not one single pound!!!  Ahhhhhhhhh the ecstasy, the relaxing, almost melty, soft soothing feeling that comes over you. Your eyes glaze over and that comforting smile floats over your thoughts of more~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(o)(o)(o)(o) more donuts just like the first one!!

How many of us have felt this way? Come on...raise your hand!?!?!  Dooooooooo it!!! hehehe I know I have. Man have I ever.  Food has become such a romantic, comforting feeling for me.  How I wish I could use food for what it was intended. To keep you alive and healthy.  Ohh I know it has to taste good or we wouldn't eat it.  Now what I am going to do, is remind myself why I turned to food for comfort. And remind myself that the reason is done, over, gone, deleted DEAD!!! So let it go and move forward-----------> Yep forward!  So having said that, I have gained .2 pounds and I am guessing that is water retention. On account I haven't been taking my water pills. Nowwwwwwwwww, before you all go postal on me about taking my pills. I have the choice to take the pills and pee my pants all day. Or not and retain some water, temporarily. Today retention won out! hehe

OK, let's get on the rest of my twisted fantasy here.... :D

So please get that donation into the mail today and help a fellow chubby out!  Send your donation to

Blog Yourself Thin Club
300 Ton Street
Moo Town, USA 90900

We have also enclosed this pocket size tape measure, so that you can measure your girth at anytime, anywhere.  We thank you for your complete support towards our common goal. To rid this world of lonely, fat, donut eating sad people. Don't forget to pat yourself on the back for sending in your donation. And to make that ol' pat on your back even better. Just double that donation to $1000.00. 

Just think of the extra joy you could be feeling right now, by sending that doubled donation!!  Just double that donation and sing your songs of praise to yourself!

Thank you,
CEO, of the "Blog Yourself Thin Club"
Quay Sadler

(also Author of "Scrap Yourself Thin Club" and "Shop Yourself ThinClub")
Sold in bookstores everywhere! lol

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